I like chocolate. I love to watch movies. I work hard on things I am passionate about. I am extreme in my statements when I try to make a point. These are just neutral facts.
I care too much about what others think. At first take, that sounds like a flaw to me. But if I choose to look deeper, I try to examine why I do that. Do I do it for my own ego, or do I do it as a benchmark to judge my action towards others? And either way, is this a flaw that pains me, or pains others? If it pains others, it is clearer as a flaw. Is caring what others think something that hurts others? I doubt it. The fact that it pains me is bad enough though. This phenomenon is a harmful side-effect of focusing on the 5% instead of the 95%. Focusing on the 95% is a great way to cut out negative energy in one's life.
Peace is already there - negative energy and interactions and people take away from it, or at least perturb it. That minority needs to be cut out. A realization I have now (perhaps an extreme statement to make a point) is this. If someone has an issue with what I said or did to them, then I need to try to understand how I was wrong. However, if their issue is with their perception of what I am, I will ditch them from my life. No goodbyes.
Recognition of positive people, positive comments, traits, and nature's ample positive energy comes to us through the 95% as well. Say hello to that.
3 comments:
Hello from SPAIN!!!!!!!!
What a thought-provoking post - I love it! As I read it, it generates a thousand ideas, all coming so quickly that I can barely acknowledge each one, let alone perform any organization to include them all in a thoughtful, coherent response. This would be a great discussion to have over a bottle of wine by a pastoral pool at some nice villa. ;)
I agree with a lot of what you have written, so this is not a rebuttal as much as a regurgitation using my own particular phraseology. That, along with an attempt to answer your somewhat-rhetorical initial question andto express my admiration for your ability to execute your ultimate plans of action.
I think my strengths and flaws are both important for me to know. For example, when my objective is productivity, knowing both my strengths and weaknesses allows me to identify what types of things I'm good at and not so good at, thereby helping me optimize my effectiveness. That also lets me know where I can help others grow, if they should seek my help in such an endeavor.
When my objective is personal growth and self-improvement, knowing both gives me guidance into where the low-hanging fruit is, what the most urgent areas of focus need to be, and therefore where the majority of my effort should be focused.
That does not mean I spend the same amount of time thinking about my strengths as I do about my weaknesses. That's because I think I already have a better handle on my strengths than my weaknesses. Perhaps that's because I can more objectively look at the body of evidence of my successes (i.e., my accomplishments vs. the things I have attempted in my life) because they mostly involve business-related issues. When it comes to my weaknesses (i.e., assuming a cause-and-effect relationship, indicated by the things I have failed to accomplish in my life that I have attempted), they relate mostly to relationship issues. The former is more academic and therefore is governed by principles of logic that my engineer's brain can more easily understand. The latter is more humanistic, and therefore not well-suited to my areas of strength.
You're right - it is unlikely that the characteristic itself of caring what others think could hurt others. (Indeed, boiled down to the nearest "yes" or "no", I would rather have that trait than not.) However, given a person who cares what others think, it is how that person reacts when faced with the perception that the other person thinks "negatively" where the rubber meets the road. I'm sure we can easily cite cases where someone we know who possessed that trait, after an incident between them and one other person, allowed it to create collateral damage beyond the two parties.
I guess I'm envious of both your conclusions because I doubt I have the ability to do either one. The first one (being able to distinguish between whether a person has an issue with what you said/did to them or with their perception of what you are) is something I'm pretty sure I can't do. The second one (being able to ditch them from your life with no goodbyes) is something I know I can't do except under the most egregious of circumstances.
focus on strength. expand it. ignore weakness.
Post a Comment